Another letter arrived recently. Enclosed were mismatched earrings and a verbose letter of explanation from bio dad. I was surprised to receive mismatched earrings, but even more shocked by my hardened reaction. My perspective has shifted. The former rose tinted glasses I naively wore, now reveal a vivid black and white, colorless view. … Continue reading The D Word
I haven’t forgotten that I recently met my biological father; but I have consciously sought respite from the entire experience. I have given birth to three children naturally and I can honestly say that the anticipation of meeting bio dad was more excruciating than giving birth to a nine-pound baby. The expectations that came with … Continue reading What Now?
My birthday, the 14th of August, I awaken filled with energy, fueled by excitement and nerves.
It appears that in order for the universe to stay balanced and aligned, when something goes up, it must come down. When someone is gaining weight, another is losing weight. When one relationship is thriving, another is failing.
A few weeks ago a mysterious packaged arrived at my door. The Netherlands postage confirmed my assumption that it may be from BD or my biological grandmother. Enclosed were 3 curious items. The first was a beautiful classic blue and white tile depicting the Dutch version of what looked like “El Borracho.” The second was a delicate silver spoon adorned with a ship shaped handle and a “merry scene” of musicians drinking and playing music on the concave bowl portion of the spoon. Lastly, I received a beautiful necklace with turquoise beads, and that was all. The exterior of the box had BD’s name on it so I assumed it was gifts from him but there were no other indications. My mom agreed, the gifts aligned with BD's interest in collecting antiques.
My mom sits curled up on our couch reading her diary. She recounts when she traveled to Florence to study Italian. The year was 1981, her age - 27, a young 27. The voice of her diary is unadulterated, authentic and endearing. Recently, in an effort to purge her home of clutter, my mom stumbled across the platform for her vindication, her diary. For as long as I can remember my mom has shared bits and pieces of the bio dad story. Hearing her story, compounded with many trust issues, has made it hard for me to internalize the story she told. Of course I have always sought to believe that I was created from passion, love and connection but how was I to know for sure? This diary she found is that truth. My mom’s 27-year-old inner voice is relatable, raw and wholehearted.